Rutita
Moderator
Registered: Nov 03, 2008
Posts: 866
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Reply with quote | #16 |
Quote: Originally Posted by NP1004
Rutita-I was thinking that when he called me up. I definately felt singled out and when everyone turned i just got very uncomfortable. I've been questioned about my race before at school. I've had some racial slurs before in the neighborhood I currently live in too, and it's given me a kind of awareness about how some may view me. My family has taught me to keep an eye out and stay sharp for things such as what happened at school. I could usually tell when smth isn't right, but I could have taken it in wrong. When the class turned to me it may have made me react more hectically then I would normally, but I'm not sure. I plan to discuss the incident with my mom when she returns home from Nevada and see if she could give me any insight as to what happened and such.
 I asked about your experiences at school etc because I wanted to understand whether or not things have been happening to you that have made you feel more self concious etc.
I believe that for some of us it can be difficult not to be on red alert, especially when situations have led us to internalise the fear that we are being judged or evaluated in some way because of our mixed heritage.
My point about not becoming a stereotype or feeling like one, was made because I think that it is difficult not to internalise the judgements/thoughts/feelings of others, especially at a time when you are maturing and very much exploring self identification. Taking on the expectations of other's is a heavy burden and will inevitably lead to you feeling uncomfortable or confused even ,as unfortunately the commonly held expectations of Mixed people are conflicting at best.
I think it's important for you to resist, where possible, being manipulated and defined by what others think and feel about who you should be. Of course, we all need context and often we use those things as a point of reference, however don't let that point of reference dictate if it really doesn't reflect who you are.
Talking this over with your mum sounds like a great idea.
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Rutita
Moderator
Registered: Nov 03, 2008
Posts: 866
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Reply with quote | #17 |
How is it going NP? 
Have you spoken to your mum or the teacher concerned yet?
Does any other member have similar experiences of this kind of thing?
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Dave
Registered: Sept 19, 2005
Posts: 4,350
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Reply with quote | #18 |
NP, I encourage you and other mulattos in high school to trust your instincts. If someone, be it a teacher, another authority figure, or one or more peers, is making you feel uncomfortable because of your background -it may be an abuse of authority or social advantage, even if they or someone else denies it or tries to turn it back to you.
It doesn't mean it always makes sense to call them on it or fight back. Sometimes (only sometimes), it may make more sense to wait out a temporary bad situation, keep a low profile, and avoid getting drawn into conflict.
But I encourage you to trust your instincts. I think if your intuition is that someone is trying to make you uncomfortable, the intuition is usually correct. How you should react to that intuition is a more complex question -but I think it begins by considering your long term goals and realizing most moments of social uncomfortableness will pass and have little impact on the rest of your life -as long as one doesn't overreact too much, or hold onto a bad experience too much in a negative way.
Edited by Moderators: This post has been edited because it refered to another poster's advice previously given on this thread. This was done because judging another member's perspective is not suitable for the Positve Resource Board and is likely to distract from the OP.
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Rutita
Moderator
Registered: Nov 03, 2008
Posts: 866
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Reply with quote | #19 |
Can all members please ensure that their posts are positive and are in direct response to the subject matter of the thread.
After discussion with other Moderators I have deleted some off topic posts from this thread because we feel that they were a distraction away from the subject matter of the OP. I have also edited two posts on this thread for the same reason.
If you feel the need to make personal comments to another member or discuss other issues with them, please do so via PM. This will help the thread stay on topic.
Thank you.  |
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NP1004
Registered: May 31, 2008
Posts: 365
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Reply with quote | #20 |
I talked with my mom..and she sort of laughed it off and called me a teacher's pet so..i dunno, i guess i did take it the wrong way and was being too sensitive  i'm not sure, i'ma have to think some more.. |
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OTHER
Registered: April 23, 2007
Posts: 1,670
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Reply with quote | #21 |
Quote: Originally Posted by NP1004I talked with my mom..and she sort of laughed it off and called me a teacher's pet so..i dunno, i guess i did take it the wrong way and was being too sensitive i'm not sure, i'ma have to think some more..
Remember when I said "I think he did it cluelessly. Maybe he didn't remember the name of the workshop. Maybe you were the only one he remembered was going"? In part, it is because I am a clueless person who is also a teacher. But, the other part is that from interacting with you online and reading many of your posts, I have concluded that you are a stand-out kinda gal, whether you try to be or not. You stand out because of your fun-loving personality and intelligence. I'm sure of it. I'm sure it happened at your old school and I'm sure it is the case now. Because of that, it occurred to me that the teacher may have referred to you by name because you're the one he remembered to be going to the workshop. I am thinking that is what your mom was getting at, too.
I still say talk to the teacher. You said he's approachable. Only he knows what he meant by singling you out. Maybe you can enlighten him so that he can be more aware in the future, you know? Besides, this is also about you feeling comfortable in his class.
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Rutita
Moderator
Registered: Nov 03, 2008
Posts: 866
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Reply with quote | #22 |
Quote: Originally Posted by NP1004I talked with my mom..and she sort of laughed it off and called me a teacher's pet so..i dunno, i guess i did take it the wrong way and was being too sensitive i'm not sure, i'ma have to think some more..
Hey darling!
Just to say I don't think you have been too sensitve in this situation. Being sensitve and aware is a great quality afterall. I think it's important to acknowledge how you feel in certain situations in an attempt to understand how we are feeling about particular things.
You said before Quote: I've been questioned about my race before at school. I've had some racial slurs before in the neighborhood I currently live in too, and it's given me a kind of awareness about how some may view me.
.... this has obviously had an impact on you. How could it not?
My hope for you NP is that you can overcome the influence of other people's ideas/views about you and not let them impact you in a negative way. People have many expectations and ideas about others.
Often these expectations/ideas are about an individual's need to categorise and label other people, in an attempt to understand and create an 'identity' for themselves.
My advice is to be aware of this and try not to internalise the negativity directed at you in that process of interacting with them/their ideas. It doesn't belong to you NP. It is not your negativity. Being aware that people have certain opinions of you doesn't mean you have to own them and that they are true.
Be yourself. If you discover something about your personality or the way you identify that YOU don't like, well yes, address it, try to understand it and try to change it. But if this is purely about other people's opinions and expectations of who YOU should be, accept they feel like that by all means but don't let them confuse you or cause inner conflict.
I am not suggesting that others can not make you realise things about yourself, I am suggesting that you only take on those things that others think that are true for you, there is a difference.
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notsobad
Registered: Aug 05, 2009
Posts: 3
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| Sept 04, 2009 at 04:23 PM |
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Reply with quote | #23 |
HA! You think thats embarrassing?! Listen to this:
Here is a little back story. At the time I was a web developer for a major corporation which will remain nameless. I worked on a team with 5 others who helped maintain this certain section of the website and we are all pretty close.
One day I was sitting in my cubical working away, when my co-worker to my left starts laughing hysterically and begins IMing everyone a link. I assumed it was just something funny he found while surfing the internet.
I had too much work to do so I just minimized it and continued coding. Only 10 seconds had passed before everyone around me was laughing and staring at me.
This of course made me very curious so I said "what the hell is so funny?". My co-worker replies: "You haven't clicked on the link?". - I immediately click on the link and guess where it sends me?
HERE... TO THIS WEBSITE..
I'm on the logo/banner for this website.. (black shirt)
Moral to this story: Never model unless its for a one time run ad.
The photographer who I had done a favor for didn't disclose that the photos where going to go onto stock-photo site where people could buy and use them how/where ever they wanted.
So far I have found myself and been found by friends on multiple different websites and it's not fun. especially since IM not being paid. |
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Hmm
Registered: April 24, 2008
Posts: 420
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| Sept 04, 2009 at 05:30 PM |
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Reply with quote | #24 |
Quote: Originally Posted by notsobadHA! You think thats embarrassing?! Listen to this:
Here is a little back story. At the time I was a web developer for a major corporation which will remain nameless. I worked on a team with 5 others who helped maintain this certain section of the website and we are all pretty close.
One day I was sitting in my cubical working away, when my co-worker to my left starts laughing hysterically and begins IMing everyone a link. I assumed it was just something funny he found while surfing the internet.
I had too much work to do so I just minimized it and continued coding. Only 10 seconds had passed before everyone around me was laughing and staring at me.
This of course made me very curious so I said "what the hell is so funny?". My co-worker replies: "You haven't clicked on the link?". - I immediately click on the link and guess where it sends me?
HERE... TO THIS WEBSITE..
I'm on the logo/banner for this website.. (black shirt)
Moral to this story: Never model unless its for a one time run ad.
The photographer who I had done a favor for didn't disclose that the photos where going to go onto stock-photo site where people could buy and use them how/where ever they wanted.
So far I have found myself and been found by friends on multiple different websites and it's not fun. especially since IM not being paid. |
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Dave
Registered: Sept 19, 2005
Posts: 4,350
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| Sept 05, 2009 at 02:04 AM |
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Reply with quote | #25 |
Quote: Originally Posted by notsobadHA! You think thats embarrassing?! Listen to this:
Here is a little back story. At the time I was a web developer for a major corporation which will remain nameless. I worked on a team with 5 others who helped maintain this certain section of the website and we are all pretty close.
One day I was sitting in my cubical working away, when my co-worker to my left starts laughing hysterically and begins IMing everyone a link. I assumed it was just something funny he found while surfing the internet.
I had too much work to do so I just minimized it and continued coding. Only 10 seconds had passed before everyone around me was laughing and staring at me.
This of course made me very curious so I said "what the hell is so funny?". My co-worker replies: "You haven't clicked on the link?". - I immediately click on the link and guess where it sends me?
HERE... TO THIS WEBSITE..
I'm on the logo/banner for this website.. (black shirt)
Moral to this story: Never model unless its for a one time run ad.
The photographer who I had done a favor for didn't disclose that the photos where going to go onto stock-photo site where people could buy and use them how/where ever they wanted.
So far I have found myself and been found by friends on multiple different websites and it's not fun. especially since IM not being paid.
Moderators, as a member I think we should remove any imagery of notsobad from the website unless or until he personally approves of its usage. We may be using it legally, but now that he informed us of his displeasure, I don't think we can use it ethically.
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notsobad
Registered: Aug 05, 2009
Posts: 3
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| Sept 07, 2009 at 12:57 PM |
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Reply with quote | #26 |
Hey Dave,
Thank you for taking such a logical, ethical, and responsible approach to the situation but unfortunately who ever bought the image got it fair and square, and just because I may have not read the fine print carefully enough. It shouldn't mean that you or anyone else should have to pay someone to change their layout or banner because of my photo. It would be selfish of me to ask that of anyone. As a former web designer, I know that outsourcing someone to do photoshop work can be expensive. Especially when it comes to a website that may not make much revenue, it could be a big deal. Thank you for your response though, its nice to know not everyone in this country is morally bankrupt and is just out to make a buck. |
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notsobad
Registered: Aug 05, 2009
Posts: 3
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| Sept 07, 2009 at 01:00 PM |
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Reply with quote | #27 |
but I must add, if its not to much of an inconvenience for the person who made the website and I'm not hidden in to many collages it would be nice to have some control over where my face showing up on the internet and be removed.  |
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Rutita
Moderator
Registered: Nov 03, 2008
Posts: 866
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| Sept 08, 2009 at 01:23 AM |
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Reply with quote | #28 |
Quote: Originally Posted by notsobadbut I must add, if its not to much of an inconvenience for the person who made the website and I'm not hidden in to many collages it would be nice to have some control over where my face showing up on the internet and be removed.
Don't be embarrassed, let them laugh...you are good looking man and I love the shot of you in the banner above. 
Though I can think of a whole heap of things you wouldn't want your pic used for...
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White_Knight
Registered: Jan 13, 2009
Posts: 38
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| Sept 28, 2009 at 08:57 PM |
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Reply with quote | #29 |
I feel terrible about these things.
I have 2 mullatto daughters
I am raising them to understand race is not important. People are Important. You will have good and bad from blacks and whites. Your people are the ones who support you and are there for you, What ever their color. I believe having a focus on "the good people" and fitting in with them - instead of the focus on what color race is best for me - will help their self esteem In short run and long. so for things are fantastic, they are 12 and 13. The 13 year old is in 8th Grade.
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Rutita
Moderator
Registered: Nov 03, 2008
Posts: 866
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| Sept 30, 2009 at 02:31 PM |
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Reply with quote | #30 |
Quote: Originally Posted by White_Knight
I am raising them to understand race is not important. People are Important. You will have good and bad from blacks and whites. Your people are the ones who support you and are there for you, What ever their color. I believe having a focus on "the good people" and fitting in with them - instead of the focus on what color race is best for me - will help their self esteem In short run and long.
Sounds great to me!
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